You Know You've Lived in Panama If...

You've ever arrived late to an appointment because you were stuck behind a herd of stubborn cattle on the highway.

The words: "There's an iguana on the roof," don't surprise you.

You've ever woken up to the sounds of some guy in a pick-up truck screaming un-intelligibly over a loud speaker that he's buying up scrap metal...or did he say he's selling fish?

You're unwilling to go anywhere without an umbrella.

You expect to wait an hour or more for a bus to finally pass through your neighborhood...unless it's Sunday...or it's raining...or it's a national holiday...or...

You know why people throw towels over their heads to walk outside when there is no rain.

You have a rough idea of what "el aire" is and why everyone is so afraid of it, and, frankly you're beginning to think it's real.

You've become an expert at avoiding manure piles on the highway...or conversely, you've become an expert at removing manure from the bottom half of your car.

You expect the power to go out when it rains.

You hide from sunlight.

You're not surprised to hear a Chinese person say, "Dale pue' ".

You've ever purchased an orange knowing that it's actually a lemon.

You know what the real Panama Hat looks like and wouldn't be caught wearing it.

You're excessively happy to finally live in a house with sheet rock ceilings.

You're thrilled to see a bathroom where all the tiles match.

You feel like royalty because your whole house has hot water.

You've ever rented a house that had rooms painted in hot pink, neon green, flaming orange, AND drab blue.

You know that "a road block" means you'd better stock up on food, toilet paper and gasoline.

You've been tricked into eating cow's foot.

You knowingly ate a monkey and you went back for another helping.

You've ever had to throw away your socks because the mud JUST WOULDN'T COME OUT.

You understand that "personal space" doesn't exist in all countries.

You've stopped getting offended when someone asks you how much money you make, how much you weigh or how much you payed for that laptop.

You have surge protectors connected to every single power outlet in your house and you take them everywhere you go.

You know that some cockroaches can not only jump several feet, but that some can even fly.

You've ever checked your bedsheets for...well...do you really want to know?

You're not surprised to see a horse tied to a fence post on a city street.

You've gone to a retail store to return some items and it took between four to seven people up to half an hour to complete the process.

You no longer use a telephone to call your neighbor. You just scream to them from your front porch.

You no longer worry if your clothes match or not.

You own at least one machete.

You have a congenial relationship with mold and all of your books smell like it...in fact, most of them are green.

You've ever spent 3 hours removing water from your kitchen after an afternoon rain.

You know why some people fill bottles of rubbing alcohol with live scorpions.

To you, the word "quincena" means STAY HOME!